15 Signs He is Using You And Not Serious About You

Warning signs he is using you
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One of the most frustrating situations is being in a relationship with someone and it seems like you are the only one really into it. Nothing you ever do is enough and in the end, you realize that you have been taken for a fool and your time has been wasted. Look out for these 15 signs that he is just using you.

Relationships are very unpredictable but one shouldn’t leave things to chance. You need to know if your man is really your man or if he is just using you for his own selfish needs and can drop you like dirty underwear at any moment.

It might not be easy to spot the traits that signify you are being used in the relationship because often, they are masked with emotions and along the line they become a normal way of life in the relationship after being ignored for a long time. But you need to make a conscious effort to identify these traits before things get out of hand.

Signs to look out for that he is just using you:

There are countless selfish reasons why a guy would use a girl, some of which are:

  1. For intimacy without commitment
  2. To take money from her
  3. To boost his ego 

You might have noticed some traits in your relationship that signify he is using you but you are still in doubt. Well, as always, I’ve got you girl. Below are some signs that show he’s just using you and you need to cut off from the relationship as soon as possible for your own good, especially if he’s not willing to change for the better.

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1. He only reaches out to you when he needs something from you

There are people who only remember you when they need your help, but your boyfriend exhibiting such an attitude in your relationship should be questioned. 

If he doesn’t bother to call you to ask how your day went or how you are, but once he needs you to come over to cook, or when he wants to get some money from you, that’s when he calls or texts you, then friend, your man is using you.

You need to stop being at his beck and call when he reaches out to you and watch his reaction when you refuse. This would help you confirm if he is truly just using you.

2. He always takes from you but never gives

It’s okay to help your partner, but you shouldn’t be the only one doing all the giving, it has to be both ways. A relationship is a give and take situation; your partner must be willing to give to you as much as he takes. 

It’s okay to do nice and thoughtful things for him, like doing his laundry or getting him a gift, but when it gets to a point where you are the only one doing things for him and he never reciprocates, or he’s beginning to become overly dependent on you, then you need to sit down and rethink the relationship. Seriously.

3. He has never taken you to meet his family or friends

When you truly love and care about a person, you don’t hesitate to show them to the world. 

Being in a healthy relationship, your partner should be willing to introduce you to his family and friends and should also not hesitate to meet your family and friends. It doesn’t have to be the whole family, but at least you should have met his siblings or a friend of his at some point. Otherwise, it’s possible he’s deliberately hiding you from them. 

If he has never made an effort to introduce you to any of his family or friends, it means something is wrong somewhere. This could mean that he is embarrassed to show you to his family or friends or he isn’t committed enough to the relationship.

It could also mean that he hasn’t told them about you or they know someone else to be his girlfriend, automatically turning you into the side chick. 

Whatever the reason may be for not introducing you to his family and friends, the major point is that you deserve to be treated with respect. And if he doesn’t deem it fit to do the right thing, then there is a problem.

4. He doesn’t talk about commitment

Commitment is truly a serious task, but a man who loves you will be willing to commit to your relationship. 

If you have tried talking to him several times about taking the relationship more seriously and being more committed, but he constantly puts you off, then that is a red flag. 

Don’t automatically assume that you are in an exclusive relationship with him simply because he is being nice. Clarify things with him to be sure, so you don’t end up loving up and being heartbroken in the end. 

5. He is selfish in every area

If he constantly cares only about himself and doesn’t take you or your emotions into consideration before taking action or making a decision, then it means he doesn’t care about you and he’s selfish. Even in bed, if you notice that he doesn’t care about your sexual satisfaction as much as his own satisfaction, there is a high possibility that he might be in it just for the booty.

If he won’t make any compromises for you no matter how little, except when it favors him in a way, you should really consider whether he really cares for you. If, when you oppose any decision he makes, he gets very mad at you, or dictates every single thing you do without even considering what you think about it or how you feel, it simply shows that he is using you.

6. He is very secretive

You need to know most if not every detail about your partner, but if he’s hiding these details from you, especially if you tell him a lot of things about yourself, then something isn’t right. 

Although people always give excuses as to why they don’t want to talk about themselves, most times, it’s because they are trying to hide something from you and a relationship built on secrets is unlikely to go anywhere.

7. He is not affectionate

Showing affection to a person is a way to let them know that you love and care about them. It shows how special they are to you. 

Those unexpected hugs and kisses on the forehead, or holding hands in public, usually mean the world to us. The absence of affection in a relationship could mean that your partner doesn’t take your relationship that seriously. 

If he doesn’t show you any form of affection outside of the bedroom, especially if people are around, it could mean that he doesn’t really want a lot to do with you. 

Although some people will argue that they don’t fancy public displays of affection, despite how much he may hate it, he still has to show some affection to you—no matter how little. 

8. He is cheating on you

Signs He is Using You - he cheats on you often

One of the very glaring signs that he is using you is when he starts cheating on you with other women. 

Unless you both agreed to be in an open relationship where you are free to have other partners while dating, then he shouldn’t be going around with other women. 

You’ll notice certain traits in him when he is cheating on you with other women, for example: hiding his phone away from you, telling lies about his location, seeing womens’ items that aren’t yours at his place, etc.

When you begin to notice these things, you need to talk to him about it and hear what he has to say. If he still doesn’t make any changes, then he doesn’t really value your relationship together.

9. People close to him have warned you about him

Who knows a person better than those closest to him? 

These could be some of his family, friends or colleagues at work. If these people start warning you about him, then it’s high time you begin to be more careful. He probably has a past history of using women or being a player and they can see that he hasn’t changed his old ways, which is why they are telling you about it.

The best thing to do at this point is to take extra caution, so you don’t get your heart broken in the end.

10. He does not respect you

Signs He is Using You - he does not respect you at all

One red flag in a relationship that speaks volumes is when he doesn’t have respect for you, whether you are alone or amongst people. 

If he doesn’t act gentlemanly with you, shouts or insults you at the slightest opportunity and orders you around, or if he begins to hurt you physically (no matter how little), then you need to start being more careful.

A man who intends to have a long lasting and serious relationship with you, will treat you with respect – both privately and publicly.

11. He only calls or messages you at night

Being in a relationship, your man is supposed to call you either during the day or at night to check up on you, no matter how busy he may claim to be. 

Once he begins to make it a constant habit to call you or message you only at night, it could mean that he has someone else that he spends his day with and you are just a side piece he comes to later. It could also mean that he just doesn’t care about you or your well-being.

12. He goes away without prior notice and just pops back again like nothing happened

It’s very alarming when a guy just goes ghost on you for days or months without prior notice. Even if he does it to you just once, you need to beware. 

It simply shows he doesn’t deem you important enough to tell you about his whereabouts and he doesn’t care whether or not you will be worried about him.

The worst part is when he pops back in and doesn’t even try to explain himself or give you valid reasons for just disappearing. You need to be more alert, because apart from using you, he could also be involved in some shady deals.

13. He doesn’t like to be seen with you in public

Signs He is Using You - he doesn't want to be seen with you in public

When a man truly cares for you, he won’t hesitate to be seen with you in public. He would take you along to family functions and even display public affection with you. If a man constantly puts off going out with you or being seen with you outside of the house, it is very possible that he is just using you.

If you have tried talking him into it several times and he keeps on putting you off with several excuses, you need to guard your heart more cautiously because a heartbreak might be looming at the horizon. Not wanting to be seen with you and always coming up with excuses is one of the dangerous signs that he is maybe just using you.

14. He blames you for everything

When he blames you for everything, even things that you don’t have control over, then you need to beware of the relationship. 

Being with someone who constantly makes you feel like you can’t do anything right can be very bad for your emotional wellbeing and you don’t deserve to go through such emotional turmoil.

If you notice such traits in your man, it’s high time you talk to him about it.

15. His major motive behind seeing you is to “hook up”

Signs He is Using You - he just wants to hook up

The moment a guy reaches out to you to see you and when you both meet up, the only thing he is interested in is getting your panties off, then you need to start rethinking the relationship. There is a high possibility that the guy is just with you for his sexual satisfaction.

If you try denying him sex once or twice, and he gets very mad at you for it and maybe even uses that as an excuse to cheat, then he doesn’t really care about you. 

It’s great to be intimate with your partner, but when intimacy becomes the only thing the relationship is based on, then it’s not only your heart you need to guard, but your booty too! If you find this happening to you in your relationship, it’s one of the signs he is just using you and you might want to reconsider the relationship.


In conclusion, it is not too difficult to identify when a man is using you, but we tend to ignore the glaring signs and act like all is well even when it isn’t. The moment you realize that the signs are present that a guy is using you for his own selfish gains, you need to sit him down and talk about how you feel with him, especially if you still want things to work out between the both of you. 

He needs to be willing to make amends on his own end in order for the relationship to work. And if he still isn’t willing to make adjustments, then it’s time you end the relationship because you deserve the very best and you shouldn’t settle for less. Can I get an amen?

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Warning signs he is using you

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