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Wondering whether he is serious about you or not? We look at 15 signs he is not that into you and is just string you along for his own purposes.
A romantic relationship is one facet of life that comes with lots of commitment. It involves mutual care, sacrifices, compromise, forgiveness and above all, love. These are basically indicators of an ideal relationship.
When you are in a relationship or about to be in one, and you notice that you are not feeling enough of the aforementioned indicators, or that these indicators seem to be coming from your end alone, then there are chances that the guy in question is not that into you.
If the relationship becomes all about your inputs, like; you are the only one trying to keep the relationship moving, and it seems your partner is becoming quite indifferent, then something is wrong.
You don’t want to remain in such a relationship because it will drain you. As you continue to find excuses to remain in the relationship, with time, you will be emotionally, socially and psychologically drained. Your self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth will be grossly impaired.
When your partner or potential boyfriend stops feeling you, there are some obvious signs that you will see. As you read on, you will find out some of the main signs he is not that into you. Remember, this is no fault of yours! You know that popular line we all hate hearing; “It’s not you, it’s me.” Well, yes, it’s not you, girl, it’s him!
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1. Your intuition keeps notifying you
It’s important that you don’t ignore what your mind keeps telling you. For your mind to notify you, something must have happened! People don’t just intuit. There must have been a series of subconscious actions that directly or indirectly led to the intuition.
The guy, via his actions, might have suggested that he is not that into you, hence, your immediate perception. That is probably why you are here, reading this. Remember, many times your intuitions are right, but when it comes to love, you often neglect it because you are clouded by sentiments.
However, the moment you learn to obey your intuition, especially when the signs he is not that into you are obvious, you would save yourself from a lot of emotional damage.
2. You do a lot more to keep the relationship going
The moment you notice that you are the only one fighting to keep the relationship or “friendship” going, then you have to reconsider because that’s a red light, beep beep!
This particular situation is what many people in relationships complain of. It truly hurts to be the one bearing all the stress involved in a relationship. You do all the calling, the texting and the caring. You even go as far as spending the most, yet, your boyfriend finds it difficult to do simple things like appreciating your kind gestures or calling back when he sees a missed call from you.
If you are in this kind of situation, then you should really think twice.
3. He is always unapologetic, you do all the apologies
Are you in a relationship where your man never apologises? He hurts you, he’s obviously at fault, yet he finds it difficult to render a much needed apology. Instead, he finds a way to blackmail your emotions and you finally see yourself apologizing when he’s supposed to. Then, my dear, this guy is simply not that into you.
Nothing hurts and drains more than this kind of relationship. A relationship where you are always at fault even when you are really not. A relationship where he always plays the victim.
No matter how much you love him, you have to step out. Your mental health is at stake here.
4. He’s reluctant to introduce you to people who matter
One thing most men do when they are really into someone is to show off the girl that captivated their heart. They simply can’t hide her!
Your man should be proud of you if he’s really fallen for you. Proud enough to show you to his friends, relatives and family, as the case may be. He’s expected not to hesitate, unless there is a good reason for that.
Therefore, observe if he hasn’t introduced you to any of his close allies, you neither know his friends nor family. Also, whenever you bring up the idea of meeting his relatives, he usually seems uncomfortable with it. Well, that’s not a good indicator and definitely one of the signs he is not that into you and only want it to stay casual.
5. He requests a secret relationship
I’ve already mentioned that if he is not that into you, he wouldn’t introduce you to those who matter. However, another related, but bigger reason to be concerned is when he boldly tells you that the relationship should be kept secret.
He may give a lot of reasons why he wants to keep a secret relationship but you should be wise enough to perceive if those reasons are good enough. Besides, should there be any good reason for keeping a relationship entirely hidden? (I mean, unless he’s an undercover agent or something.)
Firstly, he may go as far as preferring not to have you as a friend on social media.
Secondly, his relationship status remains “single” in each of his social media handles.
Thirdly, he never posts your picture on any platform, and never refers to you as his partner.
Also, whenever he’s with friends, he doesn’t refer or treat you as he should treat a girlfriend or potential lover.
Even if he gives an excuse such as how he wouldn’t like to advertise his relationship online, at least he should be able to advertise it among his offline friends!
If your situation is similar to the descriptions above, then your man…might not be your man after all.
6. He’s scared of commitment
Now, this is another thing you certainly have to consider. As a matter of fact, if a man is really into you, he will want to take the relationship to the next level. Nothing is more reassuring than making a relationship well stipulated. You should know what he plans for the relationship and where it is headed.
Look out for the signs. If possible, ask him what he thinks about the relationship.
If he is reluctant to say something that makes the relationship specific or official, if he gives you the body language that he really doesn’t want to fully commit, then you have to reconsider if you can be in such a relationship.
7. He seems to keep a lot of secrets
Partners are meant to connect in virtually every aspect, be it emotionally, socially, economically, or physically. Now, how can you boldly say that you’re connected in these ways if your man keeps a lot of things away from you?
You see yourself asking lots of questions about him, his business, his friends, his associates, etc. Yet, you receive little or no answer. Isn’t that a negative sign?
If he is truly into you, his world becomes yours. He will surely involve you in a lot of things happening in his life. You will almost, if not totally know him inside out. And he won’t be afraid of that because he trusts you.
However, keeping lots of secrets simply means that he doesn’t trust you enough to involve you fully in his world. That means, he is not really comfortable with you.
8. He rarely sets out time for you
In relationships, partners are expected to sacrifice and compromise a lot. They’re expected to give or offer a lot. One, because they are committed and therefore are obligated to such sacrifices. And two, because they simply love each other and want to do so.
One of the basic things your boyfriend or someone who proclaims to be interested in you should offer you is his time. You deserve it. Therefore, if you find out that he rarely has time for you, then the feelings he might have professed or suggested to you are questionable.
9. He suddenly changes and gets infuriated quite easily
Perhaps he used to be all-caring and treated you tenderly. You may have once wondered if he ever gets annoyed. Yes, he might have been that calm and easygoing. Then all of a sudden, he changed. Simple things he usually laughed off have now become a big deal.
He raises his voice at the slightest provocation and threatens you quite often. This threat might not necessarily be directed towards a potential physical violence but mainly emotional.
For instance, when he begins to issue threats to quit the relationship for flimsy reasons. Don’t you think such signs are significant enough to tell you that something has gone wrong? I sure do, but remember, it’s all up to you.
10. He seemingly stops chasing
Men seem to be the designated chasers. I used the word “seem” because no one can tell if it’s natural for men to chase or if it’s a product of socialization/acculturation.
That being said, when you observe that the guy who was always chasing you; yearning for your attention, your approval and your time, suddenly stops chasing, it is another sign he is not that into you. At least, not anymore.
11. You are seemingly not in his plans
This is another red flag.
Your boyfriend or fiancé may have plans for the future. Sometimes, he might choose to tell you some of these plans, such as things he needs to achieve, the time frame he wants to achieve them, where he wants to be and when he wants to be there.
You have to pay attention to his plans for the future. If he regards you so highly, then you must be in those plans, you must make a significant impact in some of them.
For instance, it’s common for a man, who dreams to have a future with you to fantasize about having you as a wife and probably tease you about how many kids you two will have together. Yes, he only teased you but such little things matter.
If he doesn’t include you in his future plans, then he is probably not planning to stick around for long.
12. He’s comfortable not communicating with you for a long time
Sometimes, your man may be occupied, but at least, he tries to call and when he does, there is always a good reason for his unusual unavailability. In this case, it’s understandable.
But when he stays for, let’s say, a week without communicating with you or caring to pay you a visit, without calling, not to talk of texting, then you should be concerned. You finally call him and he sounds like everything is normal, sigh, need I say more? What it simply means is that he’s comfortable not hearing from you. This kind of comfort can only be obtained if he is not that into you.
13. He fails to turn up
A man who truly wants you will use every single opportunity at his disposal to hook up with you. In other words, he can’t wait to meet you each and every time. Therefore, if he keeps planning for a meeting with you and not showing up at last, it’s a sign you don’t want to overlook hastily.
14. He is too eager to get intimate
Look out for this sign also, it’s very important. If his every move is directed towards sexual intimacy, then that is probably all he wants from you and once he gets it, he’s off. You do not want to stoop that low to be used in such a manner.
15. He doesn’t want to get intimate
I’m sure you’re already wondering if a man can possibly choose not to sleep with a woman if the opportunity presents itself. Yes, it’s very possible.
Some men, due to reasons pertaining to religion, health or safety, are not comfortable being intimate with random girls, while some are simply celibate.
But when he is obviously not celibate and there is no good reason for him not to get intimate with you, and he still decides against such intimacy, then he probably thinks you are better off as his casual friend and nothing more.
Finally, having considered these signs, it is important for you to step away from any relationship where you are not well loved.
If you keep finding excuses to remain where you are not really appreciated, then you may end up losing your self-worth. Remember, you deserve better!
You might also want to read about:
- 100 Questions To Ask A Guy To Bring You Much Closer
- 14 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship
- How To Bring Back The Love In Your Relationship
- 15 Signs He is Using You And Not Serious About You
Don’t forget to pin these 15 signs that he is not that into you for later!
Hey, if you made it to this point, good job! Thank you for reading. I really hope you do not find yourself in a situation where you are just being strung along. But if you are, good job to you for identifying it!
If you found any value in this post at all, please take a second to pin these 15 signs that he is not that into you to your relationships board on Pinterest. Or just share it to your favorite social media platform. I would be super grateful!