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Every human has experienced pain at one point or the other, but pain varies for each individual. Having your heart broken by a person you love is a really intense kind of pain that takes time and a lot of determination to get over, especially for women—being a more emotional specie of human beings. There are certain tips for how you can get over him that you can follow to make life a bit easier.
Only a very small portion of people end up getting married to their first love or first boyfriend. A lot of people have to go through several phases of heartbreak, pain, cheating, deception and the likes before they finally find “The One.”
How To Get Over Him
It’s okay to feel pain. But what you should never accept is to let it overcome you to the point where you lose yourself to it.
In this article, you’ll be learning practical tips on how to get over him and reclaim your life back, because you definitely deserve to live again, love again and be happy, friend.
1. Acknowledge and accept the situation at hand
It can be very hard to come to terms with losing the person you love and who you probably thought you would spend the rest of your life with. But the truth is, you need to move past it in order to move forward. And the only way to do this is by acknowledging that it has happened and by accepting the situation at hand.
If you keep living in denial or hoping that things will go back to the way they were, you might end up wasting your time till it’s too late to start over again.
You are free to take all the time you need in order to heal, but you need to take actual steps towards healing. Take a break from work if you need to, allow yourself to feel the pain of your loss. Feel free to scream at the top of your lungs or punch your pillow (just make sure you don’t hurt yourself or anyone in the process).
2. Open your mind to forgiveness
Forgiving the person who hurt you might seem like a very impossible thing to do, but the truth is, in order to see the future, you need to let go of the past.
He (your ex) is in the past, and one way to let go of him is by forgiving him for everything he might have done to cause you pain, but most importantly you also need to forgive yourself.
You probably feel like a fool for letting him do certain things to you that led to the breakup. Or maybe you feel like it was your fault that everything ended. Either way, you need to forgive and let go. Have it in mind that there is a better future that awaits you and in order to experience it, you need to let go of the past.
3. Erase traces of him
This can be very difficult considering the fact that you have shared memories together. You probably have a ton of his pictures or pictures of the both of you, or a gift that constantly reminds you of him. The best thing to do at this point is to get rid of these things, or hide them away until you have fully healed.
Seeing these things may trigger you to think about him and you’ll only start feeling depressed and sad all over again. Delete his number if possible so you can’t “mistakenly” or “drunkenly” call him. Block him from your social media platforms and just allow yourself to be at peace.
Yes, it’s difficult, but you just have to do it for your own sanity and to move forward.
4. Spend time with yourself
Now that he is no longer in your life, what better time to love yourself more, and start doing and exploring all the things you love?
Focus on yourself girl, do the things you love, take yourself out on dates (yeah, you’re not crazy if you do), try out new hobbies, pamper yourself, give yourself treats, go on a vacation and live your best life.
This shouldn’t be the time to start living an unhealthy life by eating too much junk, sleeping late, getting drunk or beating yourself up. These things will only make you hate yourself in the end. Nonetheless, a little chocolate or ice-cream has been said to help cure broken hearts, or at least lift your mood, so go for it, but in moderation.
The ultimate goal should be to love yourself more and rediscover your passion and purpose.
5. Reach out to family and friends
In trying times like this when you are doing all you can to get over a heartbreak, having a little moral
support from family and friends wouldn’t hurt. You can decide to talk about the situation of things with them or not, but allow them to be there for you.
Hang out with friends who love you and would help boost your self esteem, go out together and have fun. Being in their presence can serve as a distraction from the pain, and help you in your healing process. Don’t just shut everyone and everything out.
If you need to talk, find someone you can trust to pour your heart out to. It could be a family member, a friend or even a professional. You know what they say, “A problem shared is a problem half-solved.”
6. Look beyond the present
You need to understand and believe that a better future awaits you, and if things didn’t happen this way, you might never have been able to experience that beautiful thing that the future would bring.
You may want to dwell on the past and mope in your present sorrow, but you need to constantly remind yourself that “while the sorrow may last for a night, joy comes in the morning.”
Concentrate on becoming a better version of yourself and look beyond the present, because you WILL triumph in the end.
7. Start afresh
Don’t let your past experience define how you will live your life. Start all over again and open your heart to love. Don’t dwell on the past, just learn from your mistakes and move on.
The other person is probably out there living his best life. Why should you lock yourself up in a room sobbing and sulking? Give yourself time to heal and start over again.
Go out there, live, love and laugh.
8. Engage in a physical activity
You probably have so much anger and pain pent up inside you and you need to let it all out. What better way to do that than to engage in a physical activity?
You can decide to sign up for a self defense class, punch a bag (even if you’d rather punch his face), engage in a sport, or run a mile with your favorite music blasting through your headphones. If you love to dance, please do it till your legs hurt. Or you can decide to clean your house till it’s spotless. Just do something to let out all the anger, pain and depression.
9. Don’t be in a rush
It is very easy to talk about moving on and moving past all the heartbreak, and then we begin to feel like we are taking too long to heal or move on. You need to remember that you should never be in a rush, take your time to fully heal.
You are probably longing to be held by someone again with love in their eyes telling you sweet things. And the truth is, the time for that will come, but you need to give yourself enough time to heal now.
10. Start new routines
Perhaps you had an established routine with him before it all ended, maybe Friday movie nights or home-cooked dinner Saturday. But now that it has all gone south, you need to break out from those routines and start new ones of your own.
Make new plans and do new things that you love in those times. Don’t let the past prevent you from enjoying the present and the future.
11. Be positive
Being positive will help you reclaim your life back faster than you expect. It means that you have accepted what happened but you are willing to move on and experience something even better than what you had.
Encourage positivity in your words and actions, read books and watch movies or videos that will help you to be more positive. Don’t go around sulking and wishing things were different. Embrace your present situation, work on making your life better and achieving the fairy tale you have always imagined.
12. Don’t say bad things about your ex
It can be very satisfying to say bad things about your ex and paint them as devils to other people, but the truth is that doing this will never help you make peace with yourself and the situation.
You need to realize that your happiness should not be based on someone else’s flaws. Saying those awful things will only remind you of him and you might never be able to find the closure that you desire.
Plus, if he was so bad, why were you in a relationship with him in the first place? See? It reflects badly on you too when you bad-mouth him after a breakup. You’re bigger than that!
13. Don’t get into a new relationship too soon
Well, the deed has been done and everyone is supposed to move on, quite alright, but maybe not too soon. Because in most cases, if you rush into a relationship too soon after ending one, there is a high possibility that you would rush out of it.
You may end up going for a man who isn’t right for you simply because he was the next available person after the breakup. Give yourself time to heal, open your heart to love again and carefully choose a man who loves you and is deserving of you. Don’t be in a hurry, the right person will come at the right time.
And when you get into a new relationship, take it one step at a time, don’t rush anything. Be patient with yourself and your new partner, help him to understand how you are feeling and give him a chance to love you.
14. If he wants to remain friends with you, think about it well to be sure you want the same thing
After the whole break up and you have finally decided to make peace with the situation and forgive, your ex might reach out to you or you may meet each other somewhere and he offers friendship. It’s not advisable to remain enemies with him or be rude or snobbish, but you are under no obligation to be his friend if you don’t want to be.
If you stay close to each other or keep the same circle of friends, there is a high possibility that you will bump into him from time to time. A simple hello with a smile wouldn’t hurt, but it is advisable that you don’t go beyond that.
Meanwhile, if you decide that things didn’t really end on a sour note and you still want to maintain a friendship with him, do well to set boundaries especially if you are in a new relationship, so that your new partner doesn’t begin to think that you are having an affair with your ex.
15. Quit blaming yourself and start living again
This is easier said than done, but it still has to be done. Quit dwelling on the past, stop blaming yourself for what happened because it takes two people to be in a relationship and it also takes two people to break up!
The best you can do is to learn from the mistakes you made in the relationship and make a resolve to be better in your next one, don’t just put your life on hold.
Start living again, laugh more, open your mind to new possibilities, make new friends, find love again and be happy.
In the end, if you have ever been heartbroken, it shows that you are a good human with a good heart and it means you have opened your heart to care and love somebody. Use these tips on how to get over him and start taking the necessary steps.
Don’t let the situation weigh you down, instead use it as a stepping stone to be a better person, do greater things and be with a better person, and as Paulo Coelho said, “When someone leaves, it is because someone else is about to arrive.”
Your happiness is all that matters.
You might also want to read about:
- 13 Top secrets of a happy relationship
- How to improve communication in a relationship and why it’s truly important
- 20 Cheap and free date night ideas
- 10 Not so obvious signs he is falling in love with you
Don’t forget to pin these steps on how to get over him!
I’m so sorry for your heartache friend, but you will come out better at the end of it, I promise! If you don’t mind, could you spare a second of your time to pin this post on how to get over him to your relationships board on Pinterest? I would be so grateful!