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There have been numerous controversies surrounding jealousy in relationships. Some people claim that being a jealous partner shows that you love your other half and you do not want someone else to have them, while others claim that jealousy is not healthy in a relationship. However you see jealousy, there are some real steps you can take to stop being jealous in your relationships.
The truth is, every human has the trait of jealousy in them, it is a normal thing to want to guard what you love. In fact, we all get jealous from time to time, it could be when your partner is talking to their ex or getting really close with a colleague of the opposite sex.
The moment your jealousy begins to go overboard and becomes unhealthy, is the moment you need to start working towards curbing it.
Your partner has probably complained about some characters you exhibit when you see them talking to certain people or when they are away from you, or, you have probably noticed how you become a totally different person mostly in a bad way when you begin to feel jealous. If this is the case, then you need to start working on how to stop being jealous, pronto.
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Robert A. Heinlein in the book, Stranger in a Strange Land, said, “Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy—in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.”
If you truly love your partner and have intentions of saving your relationship, then you need to take certain steps and work on how to stop being jealous.
Below are 15 real tips that will help you learn how to stop being jealous in your relationship, before you end up losing the entire relationship!
1. Identify the source of your jealousy and work on it
Often, people ignore or just decide not to talk about what is making them jealous even when their partner asks. They would rather just focus on the jealousy and lash out at their partner. You need to identify why you are being jealous and list out the factors that trigger or fuel your jealousy.
Your being jealous could also be as a result of your insecurities and you need to work on knowing what those insecurities are and eradicating them.
It could be that you have been comparing you and your partner to other couples and are beginning to feel like you are not good enough for your partner. Then you begin to build up ideas in your head once you see them with the opposite sex or maybe spend a lot of time on their phones.
Your jealousy could also stem from a particular change in your partner’s behavior, and if this is the case, then you need to talk to them about it (not in an aggressive manner though).
It might also be because of trust issues from your past relationships or from childhood experience.
Whatever the case may be, you need to figure it out and work on eradicating it. Reading this post is a pretty good start if you ask me (but don’t ask me).
2. Work on boosting your self confidence
One very effective tip on how to stop being jealous is to work on boosting your self confidence. Once you have figured out and listed the source of your jealousy and insecurities, then you need to find ways to boost your self confidence.
If your jealousy stems from seeing your partner with another person of the opposite sex, then you should list out the good qualities you possess and the things that make your partner love you. You must banish any thought of inferiority and replace it with happy and uplifting thoughts.
3. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship
Constantly dwelling on the positive aspects of your relationship and what makes you love your partner will help you look past and move past your jealousy. Think about all your partner does to make you happy, reflect on your happy moments together and let these thoughts be dominant in your mind.
4. Trust your partner
An anonymous quote goes like this, “They said that being jealous is an act of how much you love the person, I said that if you love and you care for that person you should also learn how to trust.”
Trust is one of the most important factors in any relationship, and if you don’t trust your partner then there is really no point being with them.
You need to ask yourself if your partner has really given you a reason to doubt their faithfulness or if you are just imagining things in your head. It is important that you give your partner the benefit of doubt and trust them, until you have very valid reasons to think otherwise.
5. Develop a healthy communication pattern with your partner
In your bid to learn how to stop being jealous in your relationship, you must develop a healthy communication pattern with your partner. Jealousy in relationships is often as a result of miscommunication, misinformation and misunderstanding. There is no way you can clear your doubts or ascertain it if you don’t talk to your partner about it.
Also, while communicating with them, you must learn to do it in a mature and civil manner. You can’t be pointing accusatory fingers and throwing tantrums if you want to talk about things like that with them.
Take a deep breath. Calmly explain your fears and doubts to them and listen to their side of the story before jumping into conclusions.
Learn to openly and freely talk about your feelings with your partner. It might not be easy but you need to give it a hard try. When you talk to them about it then the both of you can work it out together and come to a resolution.
6. Don’t try to make your partner jealous in return
Alas, the natural thing to do. One mistake that some people make when they begin to get jealous in their relationship is that they start playing games with their partners and look for ways to make their partner jealous in return (eye for an eye type of stuff).
Trying to make your partner feel jealous or playing games with them will further harm your relationship, no good can come out of it. When you try to make your partner jealous, you begin to give them reasons not to trust you and gradually you are ruining your relationship instead of looking for ways to make things better.
7. Don’t deprive your partner of their freedom
Sometimes we might be tempted to get all controlling and dominating on our partner and deprive them of their freedom just because we are jealous or being suspicious, but, you need to understand that you can’t gain anything from doing this.
In fact, everyone deserves some space and privacy in a relationship, no one likes the feeling of being choked up or controlled. You must learn to give your partner the freedom to do certain things or be with certain people and not nag them about it.
8. Adopt a healthy coping skill
So, it might be hard to completely let go of your jealousy all at once, but you need to adopt a healthy way to deal with it.
You must learn to practice patience and tame your jealousy. Build more trust in your partner, think more positive thoughts, look towards the brighter sides of your relationship and don’t jump into conclusions (very important).
9. Believe that you are deserving of love
The feeling that you don’t deserve to be loved or that your partner would eventually find someone better than you and go with that person, could lead you to developing hard-core jealousy.
But the moment you deem yourself worthy of being loved and realise what an amazing person you are and how lucky anyone would be to have you, then you will begin to see how easy life is and let go of your jealous thoughts.
Instead of thinking about your weaknesses and focusing on them, you need to capitalize on the beautiful things about yourself and work on being better. Focus your mind on the good things you have done and let go of any regrets or derogatory thoughts about yourself.
10. Take control of your mindset
Les Brown said, “Remember that what you are feeling does not reflect your reality! We cannot always control the thoughts that come into our minds, but we can control the thoughts that we dwell on.”
Just because you think that your partner is cheating on you, which in turn is making you feel jealous, does not mean that this is the case. It is your duty to not allow any negative thoughts to dominate your mind, you must take control of your mind and drop any jealous feelings like a hot potato.
11. Keep yourself busy
“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop,” so the saying goes. The moment you sit down for long periods of time doing nothing, boom! That is when you begin to attract negative thoughts into your mind.
If you are busy doing something productive with your hands and your mind, then you won’t even have the time to dwell on jealousy or create unnecessary scenarios in your head.
12. Don’t act on your jealousy
Once you have identified that you are jealous and you begin to work on how to stop being jealous, you must learn to not act on your jealous thoughts. Jealousy is a thought and the only way you can harm your partner or yourself with it is if you act on it or based on it and you let it dominate you.
The moment you begin to have those jealous thoughts, replace them with positive reinforcements, your partner chose you and chose to stay with you for a reason.
13. Heal from past experiences
Sometimes jealousy is as a result of experience from past relationships when a partner cheated on you or hurt you. If this is your case, then you need to realize that this relationship is your current one and it is absolutely different from your past.
You are with a completely new and different person, not your ex. Let that sink in for a second.
Try as much as possible to heal from your past wounds, so it doesn’t affect your present and the prospect of your future.
14. Weigh the damage and harm that jealousy is doing to your relationship and let that prompt you to stop it
Exhibiting jealousy definitely does more harm than good to your relationship. You begin to have trust issues when it comes to your partner. Or you might start being aggressive to your partner or nagging them. You begin to pick up fights with them or even those around them. And this will definitely lead the relationship into the drain.
The moment you realize how much harm being jealous will cause to your relationship, this will prompt you to work on letting go of it.
15. If the reason for your jealousy is justified, then you need to take a mature action
Along the line, if you find out that your suspicions were correct and the reasons for your jealousy are indeed justified, then you need to take action.
If, for example, you suspected that your partner still had a romantic relationship with their ex, this made you jealous and you probably confronted them about it before but they denied it, then you eventually caught him or her in an act of infidelity…you must take action for your own peace of mind. However, be careful not to cause any harm or more damage in the process.
You can decide to work past it with your partner. That is if they are remorseful for their actions and you are sure that they are ready to turn a new leaf. If not, you might have to let go of the relationship and peacefully go your separate ways.
Finally, although everyone is prone to feeling jealous in a relationship, if you don’t make a conscious effort to tame your jealousy or learn how to stop being jealous then there is a huge possibility that your relationship will end up grasping for dear life.
As Maya Angelou said, “Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savour, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.”
Being overly jealous could lead you to do life threatening things or cause a lot of harm to your partner, which is why you must learn to let go of it if you truly love your partner.
You might also want to read about:
- 13 Secrets To A Happy Relationship
- 12 Important Things Men Want In A Relationship
- 10 Signs It Is Time To Break Up And Move On
- 10 Signs He Is Falling In Love With You
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