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So you’re looking at how to bring back the love or spark in your relationship? A popular musician once said; “It’s usually interesting at the very start. It’s usually tender. The loving, loving and sweetie, sweetie moments… But who knows when the clashes will erupt?”
Basically, most relationships start off on a good note. That’s when each moment you spend with your partner or lover is filled with love and unforgettable, pleasant memories. You don’t feel like leaving each other’s side for a split second and time seems to run faster.
This bond between the both of you will almost certainly start dwindling at some point. It is normal to have bad times in relationships. As we all know, a relationship is something that happens between you and another human and dealing with humans is a very difficult process (someone’s got to say it).
Naturally, we are very dynamic in character. Meaning that we are bound to grow, get mature or even change entirely with time. Our ideas and principles might be affected due to this dynamism. It becomes obvious when you start noticing a behavioral change in your partner which may not be pleasant. Consequently, the strong feelings you once had for him/her will start diminishing.
At a point, you may virtually feel nothing for your partner! It then becomes a matter of when and not if there will be a break up. But, on the other hand, there might still be a part of you that yearns to fix the problem instead of abandoning the relationship altogether.
If you really have the desire to sort it out with your partner, you want to feel that love you felt before, and you want to reignite the spark you once had with them, then you have stumbled on the perfect article! Let’s delve deeply into how to bring back the love in your relationship.
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1. Find out how and where the disharmony started
Before you can solve any problem, you have to first of all understand how it started in the first place.
Ask yourself what went wrong. Reminisce on your actions, inactions, decisions and indecisions that might have led to the fallout. It could be something that you consider minor. But sometimes, even the most negligible stuff might not go down well with someone else.
If you fail to realise how it went wrong, you may continue with the attitude that hurt your partner which will result in a bigger issue. And don’t blame it all on them. A relationship takes two people. Consider how YOU have contributed to the relationship for it to reach this point.
2. Focus on the things you loved about your partner
One way to bring back the love in your relationship which you seemingly lost is to pay more attention to the things about your partner that you always cherished. Forget the negatives, forget those weaknesses, focus on the strengths.
Nobody is perfect, surely. Therefore, paying attention to the things that you feel aren’t great about him/her will certainly worsen whatever caused your love to falter.
Think more of how he cuddles you like no other person. Think about his calm voice that always soothes and cheers you up whenever you are in a bad mood. Don’t forget her support to you; she always believed in you when nobody else did. Remember her ability to calm your nerves when you get home after a terrible day at the office. Remember how she makes you feel like a son to a proud mom…
By the time you focus on things like these, you’ll see yourself falling in love all over again.
3. Let your partner’s goals/interests matter to you
It works like magic! Being on the same page with your partner and supporting his/her ideas and plans to be a better person gives them the perception that you are reliable, and that both of you can achieve a lot together.
Being on the same page with your partner does not stop at supporting his/her goals, it also boils down to little things like taking part in their hobbies sometimes. Or watching a football match with him, or accompanying her to the cinema to see her favorite movie.
Things like this create a stronger bond where there is little or none. The connection that was lost entirely could also be revived.
4. Also remember to value your personal goals/interests
While you support your partner’s interests, goals and aspirations, never forget yours. You have your career and dreams, work on them too. You also have hobbies and recreational activities, engage in them as well.
Having your own goals/interests makes a strong statement about you. It makes you someone who is independent and can survive even on a personal level. Every partner definitely prefers an asset as a partner, nobody wants a liability!
When it becomes all about your partner’s goal, it means you are nothing without him/her. It implies that your life revolves around your partner. This particular worldview can be catastrophic at some point because your ego, self-respect and dignity as a human becomes questionable.
Remember, you were a human first before you got into the relationship (okay so you’re probably still a human during a relationship, but you get my point). It is when you attach value to your goals as a human that your partner will find the need to attach value to you, hence, the love you both share will be intentional and strong.
5. Where clash of interests come into play, you compromise
Even when you support your partner’s interests and vice versa, there are times when your core interest does not match with that of your partner.
If care is not taken at this point, a relationship that has lasted for ages might take a downturn. I am sure this is not what you want if you are really looking to bring back the love in your relationship.
If you truly love your partner, you are definitely expected to forgo some of your interests to accommodate his/hers. But where it is difficult or impossible to do so, you can reach a win-win agreement with your partner by meeting somewhere in the middle where both of you will accommodate each other’s interests. And at the same time, achieve your personal goals too.
There is no relationship without sacrifice. Sometimes, both of you may even go as far as rescheduling your activities for the whole day just to accommodate each other. Remember, where there is no compromise, there can’t be love.
6. Remember who you used to be
I’m not saying you should go back to your past. After all, it’s the nature of humans to change from time to time. I also don’t mean you should turn into a kid again or go back to the level you have outgrown. But the fact is that you know yourself. You know your values and those things about you that have changed…
The question to ask now is whether you transformed from good to bad or bad to worse. Ponder on whether you became a better person or you got worse.
Now, if with time, you got more inclined towards negativity, then, we can conclude that it is the reason behind the love you lost in your relationship. However, for you to find that love again, you must lean towards positivity.
7. Avoid accumulated anger, forgive and let go
If you really want your relationship to stand the test of time, then you must forgive, always. Nobody can exist without erring, you and your partner are not left out.
One of the very first steps to take in order to bring back the love in your relationship is to forgive your partner of the wrongdoing which might have led to the problem.
Also, learn not to hold onto those mistakes or faults. Let go of those little things that sadden you whenever you remember your partner. Harbouring little slivers of anger can make it accumulate and consequently, it will explode. Of course, that might be the beginning of the end of your relationship.
8. Generosity is a good business
In relationships, being generous pays in amazing ways. When things are moving smoothly, being generous makes it even smoother. Also, when things are not going well between you two, giving at that point proves that you still care.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be money; one can be generous through his/her kind gestures. Anything you do to help your partner is an act of giving. And you can’t claim to love your partner without extending a helping hand whenever the opportunity arises.
9. A little compliment or appreciation can do wonders
Have you ever been complimented by a stranger on a very difficult day? I guess that single act brightened your day? That is the same feeling you give your partner by throwing in one or two compliments even amidst your shaky relationship.
Learn to say something nice to your partner, no matter the situation. Tell her how her new hairstyle reminds you of when you first met her, how beautiful she was. Assure her that she is ageless and her beauty never fades. Tell him how you fell in love with that beard of his, and how handsome he looks whenever he lines his beard in a particular way.
Above all, appreciate your partner’s little effort to please you. Tell him how thankful you are to have a kind man in your life, a man who cares enough to serve you breakfast in bed (even if he doesn’t, there’s probably something you can point out if you look hard enough). Tell her you are lucky to have such a strong woman who is selfless enough to get in the kitchen and prepare dinner after a hectic day.
Giving such compliments and appreciation will only build your relationship and make it reach greater heights.
10. Explore something new
Following the same sequence and repeating the same activities can bring about boredom. This boredom can kill the excitement in your relationship, fast. One good way to light up your life and bring back your lost love is to go outside the bracket and try something new.
If all you’ve done in the past was to go out for dinner, why not stay home and make one together in the kitchen? If all you’ve done previously was to go to the beach and catch some fun, why not hit the gym instead?
Doing something different can help your partner discover another interesting part of you and this could reignite the excitement in your relationship.
11. Engage in deep, personal conversation
If you are the type that hardly sees the need to have deep conversation with your partner, then you should not be surprised if your relationship is always in danger. This is because communication is important for any relationship.
In case you don’t know, a simple conversation is one of the fundamental aspects of every healthy relationship. Little chats with your partner have the capacity to spice things up. Plus, it is through minor chats that deep conversations are initiated.
When you discuss deeply, you will understand your differences and will thereafter, put heads together to find a workable way to fix it.
12. Get Intimate
I won’t forget to state the fact that one of the major reasons people get into relationships is to satisfy the need for intimacy. That romance and other related activities that strengthen your connection should not be overlooked.
For the fact that your relationship as a whole can be deeply affected if intimacy is lacking, we can boldly assert that improving the intimacy between you and your partner can go a long way in bringing back the love in your relationship.
To round off, I would say that it’s never a wrong course of action to fall in love. Romantic relationships are a very crucial aspect of human existence. This is made obvious by Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs which clearly states that physiological needs are the fundamental human needs.
Therefore, if you are in love, due to the necessity to satisfy your physiological needs, the problem of staying in love will surely come up. But hopefully with what you have learned here today from reading all this, the solution to this problem won’t be far-fetched!
You might also want to check out:
- 10 Signs It Is Time To Break Up And Move On
- 15 Tips On How To Get Over Him And Reclaim Your Life
- 15 Tips To Improve Communication In a Relationship
- 13 Secrets To A Happy Relationship
Don’t forget to pin these 12 tips on how to bring back the love in your relationship
If you made it to this point, yay! I hope you got some great tips and that your relationship will thrive going forward!
If you don’t mind, I would appreciate it immensely if you could take a moment to pin these ideas on how to bring back the love in your relationship to your relationships board on Pinterest. You can also follow me on Pinterest for more relationship advice and tips!