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We’ve all been there! That moment when you have to choose between a delicacy you’ve been craving for and your favorite dish. It’s just that this time, it’s not about any food. It’s about the two men in a race to be exclusive with you. Okay, so maybe it’s not exactly the same, but still, how do you choose between two guys when you’re not sure?
Perhaps you’re just friends and have gone out on dates or even shared a few stolen kisses. As days go by, both man A and man B are beginning to get more mesmerized by your charming smile which makes them really want to know where they stand with you. Phew! I bet that it’s a tug of war in your heart right now. Fear not, that’s why I’m here.
To help you make the right choice, I have prepared a sort of questionnaire with 11 questions that will help you figure out which guy is the best choice for you.
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How to choose between two guys
Before you proceed, understand that only your honest and genuine answers will be able to help you make the right choice when you choose between two guys. Ensure your feelings do not cloud your judgement. Whatever the outcome may be, ensure you accept it rather than fight it and then go on with what might eventually lead to a heartbreak.
1. What do they want?
What does man A want? How is it different from what man B wants? Is man A in for a fling while man B is in for a serious relationship? Avoid walking in assumptions. Rather than make guesswork, ensure you ask each guy what they want from you, what sort of relationship they want to have with you.
Many women have gotten into entanglements and situationships simply because they chose to go with the flow without making clear and concise enquiries. I guess you don’t need a confused or heartbroken state before you understand how important it is that you ask the right questions.
Also, ensure you look out for their actions as well. A man who wants to be with you will not only tell you how he feels, he will also show you.
2. What do you want?
Now that you know what they both want, then it’s time you ask yourself, what do you really want in a man? What type of relationship do you want? Which of these guys fits in the picture of your answer?
If you’re going to be having a serious relationship, then you should know that what you really need in a man should align with what you want in a relationship.
For instance, when you go to the grocery shop to get some lettuce for vegetable salad, you wouldn’t add the nice looking pumpkin to your cart if what you need is lettuce. Ditching the lettuce for that pumpkin will give you a cup of juice, not a plate of vegetable salad.
Just because you’re drooling over a wedding dress on Instagram doesn’t mean you should choose a guy who’s ready to walk you down the aisle after 3 date nights when all you actually want is a man who would take things one step a time with you.
When you can identify what you want, it will be much easier to choose between the two guys.
3. What attracted you to them?
Here’s a fact; every woman has got a set avatar or model of what her perfect man would look like. I mean, written in a diary, on a wish list, or even on our minds are the list of qualities we would like the man of our dreams to possess.
The average lady has got rich, tall, and handsome featuring on her list. I sometimes wonder what should be the fate of the rest of the male population since we all want the tall and handsome.
So, we’ve all got a list of what we want in a man. Now here’s a plot twist! As time goes on and we become more mature and experienced, our needs and wants change – they become more reasonable.
We often get distracted as we find ourselves being attracted to a guy whose qualities do not match any of our needs or wants. What to do? Firstly, call your 6th sense back to order. Then ask yourself, what attracted you to each of these two guys? Does it match your needs and what you want in a man or it’s just a once and for all thing? How genuine is the attraction? Answering these questions will not only make choosing between both guys a piece of cake, it will also help you set your priorities straight.
4. Are you socially and morally compatible?
Now let’s talk about social behaviors and moral etiquette. This is an important space to watch out for when choosing between two guys. As individuals born into and raised in different families, and socio economic backgrounds, our ideas about what is socially right and wrong may differ.
For this reason, what is good for my geese, may be bad for your gander. However, I’m not saying your social compatibility with the guy you want to choose has to be 100%. But, choosing the guy who is more compatible with you in these areas will help you bond.
It will also prevent future unnecessary arguments. I’m not saying things are going to be all perfect in the relationship, because life is not a bed of roses. However, you can escape a lot of thorns in your flesh by choosing a more compatible man as your partner.
5. Know their life expectations
To choose between two guys, another thing to know is whether your dreams, goals and aspirations are in sync with or do not disturb each other’s. If you’re a conservative girl who is a bit traditional and would like to keep a vegetable garden in your backyard, chances are, you wouldn’t want to end up with man A who is willing to give it all up to fulfil his American dream.
Perhaps a better option would be man B who seldom likes travelling and would prefer spending quality time at the ranch with his family over global sauntering and a fancy penthouse.
The bottom line is, choose the man who is not just suitable for you now but also in the next 15-20 years. If your goals aren’t the same, they should be able to complement each other or at least not stand in the way of each other.
Whose dreams and ambitions align with yours the most? To answer this question, you need to have “the talk” with each of them (separately of course!). If you already have, then you probably already know who won this round.
6. How do they feel about you?
Okay, we just entered the chemistry lab. It’s no news that relationships aren’t all about chemistry. Also, it shouldn’t be news that you can’t start or nurture a relationship without chemistry.
So tell me…which guy do you see a genuine smile light up his face every time he sees you? Which guy shows he cares the most? Does man A get excited only when the booty call is an hour to go or are they both willing to do anything to get the cookie?
How do you even tell which of these 2 guys has got genuine feelings for you?
Firstly, you watch.
Someone who is in love can’t hide it for long. Notice the care and protection that comes with his words and actions when you are in a dilemma. Take note of how much he would like to hang out with you.
Then throw the big question.
This isn’t going down on one knee and asking him to be your boo – haha no. Have a proper conversation with each of them and ask what they really want from you. A player or perhaps someone who isn’t ready for something serious would certainly beat around the bush and not give you a precise answer. A man who loves you and wants to be with you will come out straight.
Watch again (checkmate).
Now, a man who loves you won’t just keep telling you, he will show you, consistently. All this takes time and if you’re determined to make the right choice, you’ll have to be a little patient with it. Time will always tell.
7. How do you feel when you are with them?
Still in the chemistry lab…
Speaking of fireworks in the sky and butterflies in your stomach, how is it going with Brad? Is it all stormy with Jake? You should ask yourself, how do I feel when I’m with either of them? To choose between the two guys, you have to know which one connects with you more physically, intellectually and emotionally.
Who do you feel like you are cheating on when you’re with the other? Which one crosses your mind frequently? Who makes you feel like silence is not a crime when you are together? Which one makes you feel safe and at home when you are with them? Who aced through most (if not all) of these questions? That’s your man!
8. Whose flaws can you manage well?
A very vital aspect to consider when choosing between two guys is their flaws. All human beings are flawed, no one is perfect. However, the strength of your relationship with others is mostly determined by how best you understand and tolerate each other.
If man A smokes a lot and you are indifferent about smokers, then it’s not going to be much of a problem for you to handle. However, if you detest the smell of cigars, ensure you don’t ignore that flaw just because your chemistry matches the guy’s.
Also, note that you can’t know all of an individual’s personality or flaws overnight. However, there are ways you can easily identify the main red flags. For instance, abusive behavior does not start overnight. Most times, there are always indications the abusers portray, however, most victims usually turn a blind eye to them.
What to do? Ensure that the flaws of whoever you want to choose can be well managed by you and make sure they do not pose a threat to your physical, social, economic and mental wellbeing.
READ NOW: 10 Reasons Why Relationships Fail
9. What are your friends’ opinions about both guys?
Before you choose between two guys, you should try to ask perhaps three of your home girls (either friends or siblings) about both guys. The fact is that these people have known you for long so it’s easier to identify who is best for you and of course, they care enough to drop their 2 cents.
It’s advisable you cut the whole “if it makes me happy, it doesn’t have to make sense to others” story. No one is an island and sometimes, a little advice or push from someone around us will go a long way in making the right choice.
Agreed, there are a few bad eggs here and there who are not rooting for your success, however, that shouldn’t stop you from seeking counsel from trusted friends.
10. Trust your guts
The human instinct is hardly ever wrong. Therefore, when it comes to making a decision like choosing between two guys, your instincts will also help you make the right choice. After you draw out your answers to the last 9 questions, ensure you listen to your heart and know what it’s saying to you.
If it feels like it’s going to be all storms with no silver lining with man A, let him be. If you’re not sure about man B, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be with him. However if man C seems to be your Mr. Right…wait a minute! Man C? How?
11. It doesn’t have to be any of them
Yep. You read that right. Don’t get too caught up with the pick-me-episodes between these two guys. If you are feeling too pressured, please take a chill pill and let go of the both of them. You need not develop restlessness, headache or sleepless nights over this.
To wrap things up, ensure that you accept the outcome/answers to these questions, whatever they might be. Also, do well to;
1) Make your decision known
Whatever your decision is, ensure you let the other party (or parties) know. Do not say yes to man A and keep leading man B on. Let whoever you are going to or not going to be with know about the latest development.
2) Do not entertain cold feet
Now that you’ve made a decision known, ensure you stick to it. Don’t say this today and change your mind the next.
3) Set a clear boundary
Now that things have changed, ensure that they remain so. There’s no reason why you should still go on dates with someone you don’t intend to be with. Ensure the other party is aware of the changes and boundaries are set and kept. Lastly, don’t forget to stay happy and have fun!
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